I did notice that most of my post is on what i think, what my mood are in now and currentlywhere am i (in term of feeling and perspectives). It might sound annoying to some people but really, i am an optimist person. And kind of annoying when you guys read and read and read and it's all about my mood. Hey, i am annoyed of myself.
Such things happen maybe due to what currently i'm experiencing now. As you guys/girls know, i am currently trying to finish up my thesis as soon as possible. Yes, it seems possible, but in the mist of possibilities that i will finish my thesis, there is things here and there. Holes here and there to be filled up. Gap here and there that need to be occupy. Rubbish here and there that need to be completely clean up. And all this eventually effect my mood and perspective at that particular time.
I know that my ability is limited. But at the same time, i am trying to be as competent as possible. Saw in Dr ernest and Dr Evan. Yet, knowing to be on top or even as same level as them will takes me time and a lot and lot and lot of effort. But seriously, i want to achieve that. Finish my PhD before 30 like what Evan have done. Be critical thinking like what Dr Ernest is. And at the same time, remain as me that is who i am.
All those aims and goals seems possible and will be possible if i put my heart and mind in it. Yet, there is a lot of other commitments that i need to bear. Family, financially they really need my help. As i am the only one in my family that are succeeding in my career and life. Hope and Hope and Hopes are upon me to finish my study, and be the first Dr. in my family blood line. Seems like, "what the heck?" right? But that is "chinese" and typically my "chinese" family background and mind set.
Yet, so reluctant to do all that. Would need more support and good examples from people around me. Only from there i can really suceed in whatever and wherever that i am now.
It is only on such condition that i can set better example to my juniors and others outside there that are willingly to listen and LISTEN. What i should do now is, set my mind straight, be open to criticism and criticism, be less optimistic, more independent that normal me, and yeah, set my life straight up again.